if everything looks normal then they can't do anything to help me but why do
it if we're not gonna do anything about it I don't care how it ends I just want
it to end
good morning it's the day after MRI day I don't know if this happens to anybody
else after anesthesia but my head feels extra painful and my throat hurts I
wasn't I don't think I was intubated yesterday so I don't know why my throat
to hurt it just feels like every time I move my throat like swallow or something
but something is stabbing me in the throat and I'm extra tired but last
night after I closed out the vlog it's just mad
because if everything looks normal then they can't do anything to help me I just
want somebody to be able to help me it'd be really nice but apparently I don't
know so we're gonna we're supposed to see my
neurologist to do the EMG again but why do it if we're not gonna do anything
about it you know what I mean cuz last time they did the EMG my nerve reflexes
or something were slow but then he said that it was because I was cold and that
it in that I could have a small fiber neuropathy or something I think that's
what it was called I don't know that touch was over a year
ago and that we could do a biopsy and see but if we don't this treatment would
be the same anyway but we didn't do anything about it so yeah so I don't
really see the point in doing it but we're probably just gonna do it
anyways just because I don't know and then and by the way an EMG actually kind
of hurts they're sticking like these long I don't know how to describe how
long they are but they're like the length of an acupuncture needle but they
press it all the way in not just like the end of it in and then put an
electricity through it and watch on the screen like the waves I don't even know
how you can tell what any of that means because it all just looks fuzzy but that
will probably be happening it's Thursday happening the 21st so we come back from
Disneyland on the 20th and then we would have that done on the 21st and I have
the pill cam on next Tuesday which is the 6th or the fifth I think it's a six
not really sure but that means that I have to do the prep on the day before
that and then hope that this thing comes out of me without being removed
surgically so today I don't know what I'm gonna do but I do need to clean out
my car because we've been going to all these doctors appointments which means
that I just leave a bunch of trash and stuff in the car and things don't belong
in my car in my car so I should do that today because I don't know why I just
it's something that needs to happen oh it's right I have come out here to clean
out my car there isn't too much stuff in the trunk
well I do need to clean out wheelie as well but there's just some old grocery
less than the trunks that I know we're back there
oh but do you want see what I noticed this morning once I changed out of my
pajamas are you ready wait you can't see because I've been in front of the bright
did you see all the blue stuff on my arm apparently I didn't get the sticky step
off from the IV's yesterday where is the trash can out here Mullen who doesn't
keep a trash can in the garage usually we do but apparently we don't so I'll
just put it in my car trash can so we're gonna put me in fast mode of cleaning
maybe I don't think there's not much to clean out let's see put you up here
nothin you can't really even see what I'm doing what a struggle this is fast
truck okay really mostly stuff I need to clean out is in the back but I guess I'm
not gonna show me cleaning but maybe I'll show it's in here later
why is he nothing look look don't lick my foot I said look
oh I have like major bags in my eyes I think today because I'm really tired Oh
his breath speaks nothing your breath get a toothbrush man although you could
say same to me because I haven't brushed my teeth yet either so they didn't
really take me very long I think I was out there for maybe five minutes after I
stopped talking but the things you find in your car when you're me this is a
head CT of my sinuses and think that's the only weird thing that's in my car or
at least that I found in there but the rest of the stuff I feel like is just
normal car stuff maybe I don't know but I do need to put some epi pens back in
there well actually they need to go inside of wheelie but I
took them out and then I put them in purse but I think they were expired
anyways so good job me you know carry around old expired IV pens which means
they probably wouldn't work well I'm back in my room so we're pretty much
back where we started today and the fam like teryn and Taylor and Scott and my
parents but no one's not here are all out in the living room but I'm back in
here so what was like oh I was gonna like talk about what's been going on
today cuz I didn't I kind of just logged a little bit in the morning and I was
like peace out but today it's just been a hard day like emotionally and stuff
because I'm just so tired of all the pain and everything like I just can't
take it anymore oh my gosh no I I've cried for so long today like just no
don't cry more but it's been like I just oh I'm so tired of everything and I just
want something to work or something like I'm just I just want the pain to be over
I don't care how it ends I just want it to end and there's some other things
that I am NOT gonna talk about on the internet because they just aren't things
that should go on the internet but this morning I kinda
before I started even vlogging I just let myself lay there like flat on my
back and just kind of yeah we all know what happens when I lay like that so and
then I I'm just I just want something to work and I'm so tired of all the testing
and doing repeat tests and all the things that are happening that aren't
coming back or that don't help us like Spheeris in a path to what to do
like if we're gonna do a test if you can actually do something about what we're
gonna find then I don't mind doing it but if we're just gonna find that
nothing is wrong then I don't want to do it again so I am gonna do the test on
next Tuesday the PillCam and then it's still to be determined but I'm most
likely gonna go through with the UM EMG although last time I had an EMG done it
was a a little over a year ago and the tests came back that my nerve
like relay is slow but then the doctors during the test was like oh well you
were just cold so that's probably why and then he was like well we could do an
ER perhaps see to see if there's small fiber neuropathy but we the treatment
whether you have it or not it's still the same so that's what we'll do and we
never did anything about it so I don't even really know why we're gonna do that
but we are and I'm just like I just feel like really discouraged and frustrated
with all the testing and everything but who knows so when we see him cuz he's
also or the one who's gonna do the EMG is also a neurologist we're just gonna
take what we're gonna take a copy of the head MRI from this side of the head and
neck and we're gonna be like look at it this is what's happening inside my head
right now even though I'm pretty sure everything looks fine in there so that's
coming up like truthfully right now when this goes up it'll probably be will
either be at Disneyland or it'll be after if like if we even go cuz right
now I just that's probably a sign of like depression and stuff but I just
don't really feel like doing anything and so and even more than that like I
don't know I just like going over there so we go over there on the 17th we
coming back on the 20th and then we would go to
um EMG on the 21st and then Thanksgiving is the 22nd um that's a lot like I'm
gonna feel like I died after that and then a month later we go to Texas which
I'm really excited about that we're going I think on the 20th to Texas and
they're getting married on the 22nd and then we're coming back on the 24th I
think so the next few months are gonna be kind of busy or kind of really busy
but hopefully things are for like all this busyness is for the better which
for sure Texas is gonna be further better that's they're getting married in
50 days and like that's gonna be good because I love seeing my cousins
specially the ones that live so far away because they only get to see them like
less than once a year it usually and so we're gonna see them twice this year
because we saw them at Donner they weren't in the vlogs and probably won't
be in the vlog so we're gonna Texas either because I don't want to invade
their lives with my vlog so yeah well hopefully tomorrow I'm feeling more like
me and less like I don't know what is a good analogy to the way I've been
feeling today right now I'm just exhausted it's only like nine o'clock
and I feel like I'd go to bed like at any second but no jus to me today I feel
like when I forgot to take off my window clings from my window and they melt the
damn old things I feel like that's me where it's just like like hanging on but
then at the same time not so well anyway good night and I'll see you tomorrow
tomorrow Grammy and Grampy and Zeus might be going to Walnut Creek to see
Daniel play soccer and that would mean that I hang out with buddy bear so Hugh
if that happens I'm going to probably drive over to their house for when
they're leaving and be like bye and then drive buddy back here and then he'll
just be in the kitchen and I can edit videos in the kitchen or whatever so see
you later bye good night
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