Against my better judgement, I've decided to start vlogging again.
Goodness only knows why.
You'll have to excuse the hair situation.
I washed it really late last night and just put it back, and it's still soaking wet.
So if I take it down now, I'll actually have to try it, and I can't be bothered.
Today's kind of a test run to see if I actually feel like doing it properly.
I think I'm probably going to do weekly vlogs, because I think in the past I struggled to
keep up doing them not even daily, but just regularly because I felt like enough wasn't
happening to make it worth it.
Whereas, if I've got a whole week for stuff to happen in order to make a reasonable video,
then that's a bit better.
I think I've also struggled with not liking the vlogs once I've done them, and thinking,
"That doesn't really seem like me in the video."
So I'm going to try my very best not to be anything other than completely myself.
So far today, I've put together all the ingredients to put in the breadmaker.
That takes a while, but it should be good when it's ready.
I've had a few attempts at making bread, but I'm never quite happy with them.
They never seem to rise well enough.
So my mum got the breadmaker out of the shed, and we'll see if it can do a better job than
me.
Let's face it, at this point it can't do much worse.
I've also been baking because it was my sister's birthday a couple of days ago, and she's coming
round today, and I want to give her some cupcakes, so I've been making those.
I've already been quite busy this morning, so let's see what I've been up to.
[clicks fingers]
[relaxed Latin music]
Now I've got to go and pick up something I ordered in town, and I want to go to a shop
there, and then I need to go to Tesco to get some more frosting for the cupcakes.
And... then I think I have to do some work.
I do have some work, but I can't remember where I've left my to-do list, so I'll let
you know about that when I get back.
Let's go shopping.
[relaxed Latin music]
The reminder on my phone has gone off twice now to tell me I was supposed to be working,
and I wasn't.
I was downstairs talking and finishing off the cupcakes, and what else was I doing?
Oh yes, the cats were being weird, and now there's soup, and then hopefully I might actually
get some work done while my dinner is cooking.
Because everybody's having a takeaway, but they're having one that there's nothing I
can have from that one, so I'm going to have my own food, and I might do some work while
they're waiting for that.
Let's see how that goes, but first, soup.
[relaxed jazz music]
[the heavy silence of concentration]
Angola?
How is he getting an easy one?
This is not fair.
How do they know when it's your turn?
I'm absolutely wiped out, and we've been concentrating for fourteen minutes.
It's not fair.
"In which German city has perfumed water been made since 1709?
Berlin, Frankfurt, Cologne, Munich."
"Smelly Water" - the technical name.
"Smelly water, by Chanel."
Sister, offscreen: "by Calvin Klein."
[laughter continues]
That is how they say it.
"Cool Water"?
Not "Smelly Water"?
[relaxed jazz music]
He's staring straight into the camera.
Like, straight down the lens.
I think what we've established there is that games are very hard.
When you have ADHD and are extremely tired, it is very hard to even take on board the
rules in the first place, let alone actually play the game, but I think I've just about
survived.
So I'm tired and I haven't done anything I need to do yet, so I'm going to tidy my desk
and hopefully then I can get some work done, because...
I don't actually need to tidy it to get the work done, but I kind of don't want anybody
to see it, so at least that's going to give me some sort of...
Whatever that word is, to get on and tidy up.
Bear with me.
[laughs] [louder] Bear with me.
[final bars of jazz music]
So, if you don't know, one of the things I do is I'm a composer, as in, music, and one
thing I'm doing at the moment is a course in an aspect of that that I'm hoping to add
to what I do.
So I'm going to do a couple of lessons from that, maybe just one.
I don't know, they're quite long.
And then, I'm going to get on with a project I'm doing myself so that I can improve my
portfolio and more people will want me to make music for their games, because that would
be a good thing, and then I would have money.
I mean, really I just want to be the lead singer in a band that has a lot of noise and...
Yeah, that's all I really want.
But in the meantime, one has to have a profession, and one is choosing to be pretending to be
a serious musician, when really one is making it up as one goes along.
Anyway, I'm going to get started on that, and you can watch as I get progressively more
confused-slash-annoyed that I haven't written the next Beethoven's Fifth in seven minutes.
I'm just going to explain, because it keeps catching my eye when I'm sorting out the angle.
My nail.
That's hair dye.
I didn't realise there was a little hole in the end of the glove until I took it off,
at which point it had been developing for fifteen minutes, and now I can't get it off.
So, that's fun, but it's nearly Christmas...
Well, I'm going to say, as soon as it's November, "LOL, Christmas!" and paint them a sparkly
gold so I don't have to tell any more people that no, it isn't a bruise, when they ask.
Right, work.
I'm working, I promise I'm working.
[silence]
So, for pretty much my entire life I've pulled sixteen, eighteen hour days every single day,
because the combination of things I've got wrong with me means it's, like, so much more
difficult for me to get through what would be a standard day.
It can take me two, three times as long, even if it's not a very hard day.
So, I just had to, because nobody believed there was anything wrong, so I just had to
manage it somehow.
And now that I do know that there are things that make it harder for me and I should pace
myself, I still don't, because I feel guilty.
Like, for not doing as much.
And I definitely should not have been working this evening.
That's something we've established at this point.
I shouldn't have scheduled any work in for today, because it was going to be hectic and
unpredictable, and I shouldn't have put work in earlier in the day because I wasn't going
to get to it.
And I certainly shouldn't have tried to do it now, when I realised I hadn't done it.
It wasn't important, it could have waited until tomorrow, and I didn't wait because
I felt guilty because people...
You know, they expect a lot more from me than I am capable of without help, but then they
don't give me the help.
So, I'm just making up my schedule for the week, and I'm going to try and be a lot more
conservative.
I'm going to expect a lot less of myself this week, because I've got rehearsals and a show,
and I'm going to see if I can balance them and get to Sunday in one piece.
Now, luckily, I'm going to do a weekly vlog starting from tomorrow, so you'll be able
to see how it works out, and when we get to Sunday I'll be able to tell you how it's going.
I'm hoping to make Friday a proper day off.
I couldn't tell you the last time I had one of those.
I have a really good memory, and I got back to 2006 and I still haven't found what counts
as a proper day off yet.
So I'm just going to have a go at it, but I don't know how well it'll go.
I'll give it my best shot.
I'm going to edit this now, because I have to do the subtitles as well, but I hope you'll
join me for the next vlog.
And if you have any suggestions for what bits you liked best, that you might want to see
more of, please do let me know, because I don't really have a plan.
I kind of thought this would be, you know, about composing and the other work I do, with
a side of me.
But actually, this has been very me, with a side of composing.
So I don't quite know where I'm going with it yet.
Suggestions welcome, and hopefully I'll see you in the next video.
I don't know.
Hopefully.
See you soon.
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