Remember when you were young?
When you posted embarrassing stuff
on the internet, like duck face mirror
selfies with your friends.
What about illegal stuff like
drinking under age?
Well guess what.
Now you're in the real world,
and that's all going to come back to haunt you.
So how do you stop
your past from inhibiting future
opportunities?
What would it take for me to stay connected
with the world,
but go completely dark
on social media?
First it's time for the purge
- of your timeline.
That's right. All the photos of your 14
year old self with photo booth filters,
they gotta go.
Unfortunately though,
no platform has a simple method for
mass purging your timeline.
Go figure.
They want to keep the content they depend
on. So,
it's time to build an army of
bots.
Different third party cleanup tools
like tweet delete for Twitter
and social book post manager
for Facebook.
While super buggy,
it's as simple as anything else you connect to Twitter
or Facebook.
You tell the basic app what you want
deleted, and it starts scraping.
Unfortunately social book will show
you everything you've posted
that it's deleting - meaning
you watch every decision
you've put on the Internet flash before your eyes
like some ironic millennial
death sequence.
Other problem though.
While you can delete everything you've
posted,
you don't really have the power to do anything
about your friends,
or anyone else who has your picture
on their page or shared something about
you. Best case scenario,
you catch something someone else said
that you don't like hanging around anymore
and you politely ask them to get the ****
off.
All that being said,
it's up to you to decide if any
of this is even worth it.
Maybe it isn't,
in which case a more moderate strategy
might be right for you.
Some have begun using apps like timehop,
that are meant to be more of like a
lifetime spot check of ridiculous
things you've put on the Internet.
It's designed to help people feel nostalgic
and reminisce,
but it can be just as solid a strategy
if you use it to check up on the random
things you posted from years ago.
If you find that one post that may ruin
any chance you have for running for public office,
at least you can get it down asap.
Next it's time to hit that delete button.
And it's never just a button.
Getting to the delete button on Facebook
and Twitter isn't technically complicated,
but the platforms always delay
the actual deletion for a few
days before clearing out the whole account.
Which means you just have to satisfy
that itch some other way,
and not log back onto the platform until
it's really gone.
Again, this method doesn't actually
do anything for other people who've posted content
about you. It only removes what
you've done.
Arguably,
that's extremely frustrating,
since most of being on a social network
is about being social.
So all the content you probably want down,
isn't actually controlled by you in
the first place.
The network effect doesn't just apply
when you join a network.
It applies when you try to leave it to.
Now it's time to think about the secondary
effects of your actions.
None of these apps are going to make it easy
on you through any step of this.
And arguably, the most annoying part
of this whole process is that any
other platform you use,
like Spotify,
Tinder, Instagram now
can't log in the way you normally do -
like by hitting the "log in
with Facebook button." Because you decided
this is how you want to do things.
Time to go for the old school email
and password sign up.
Lastly, because the sites are quite
literally designed to promote addictive
behavior,
it's time to find yourself a substitute.
There isn't really a substitute for the social networks
that run everything we do,
organize every group outing we go to,
and connect us to everyone we
know.
Time to branch out into meetup
and, I guess,
Yelp?
Wait.
How did people make friends before this?
All this is just a bandaid solution
though to oversharing on social
media.
You can't really scrub yourself
entirely from the internet anymore
even if you do take every precaution.
But the silver lining is that everyone else is in the same boat.
So, when your embaressing photos come back in 20 years to haunt you,
just know that everyone else has their own that they're just as
red-faced about too.
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