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TallTaleTV Sci-Fi and Fantasy Short Story Audiobooks
BeyondLife™. We'll kill you wholesale. By Reddit User BecauseISaidSoToo
Are you worried about passing away peacefully in the night from natural causes and being
gone for good? Worry no more! Purchase a BeyondLife™ Personal Plan guaranteeing your immortality.
Don't worry about signing anything, our patented SmartCopy™ has been tracking your
eye movements and micro expressions and we have subtracted the credits from your account.
Congratulations on your purchase! Ask us about our family plans today.
But wait! There's more! Perhaps you are saddened by the loss of an ancestor, friend,
or PreImmortal™ you admire; one whose consciousness was lost?
With the purchase of the BeyondLife™ Personal Plan you can include one PreImmortal™ as
well. Just mouth their full name and the date of their death, and utilizing our patented
BackCast™ technology, the message below will be sent back in time to alert the PreImmortal™
you selected.
Congratulations! You have been selected as part of a BeyondLife™ Personal Plan. You
are probably wondering what that means and we're excited to tell you! But first a brief
history lesson about the discovery that made this gift, and our company, possible.
On March 17th, 2037 the world's population, already at unsustainable levels, suddenly
jumped exponentially. But, no one noticed, because the new arrivals weren't new at
all, and weren't here in any conventional sense.
Physicists and computer scientists, attempting to digitize consciousness, discovered existing
patterns in the electromagnetic signals and cosmic background radiation all around us.
The software identified the patterns as conscious minds and researchers devised a way to communicate
with the immaterial entities they had discovered.
They learned that if the conditions were right, self-aware patterns of information could be
copied onto the very fabric of reality. Call it a spirit, a soul, or whatever you like,
the dead lived on as conscious data packets in flux, embedded in the quantum foam all
around us. The living were the minority and the dead had been here all along.
Contact had been made and humanity was suddenly faced with the astonishing fact that we are
not alone. We're minnows swimming on the surface of a sea of the dead and suburbanites
living on the outskirts of a thriving Necropolis. In a metaphorical sense, the auditorium lights
had came on and the living got a good look at the audience. It was huge and it wasn't
terribly interested in the living strutting and fretting their brief hour upon the stage.
While the dead took it in a stride, for the much smaller community of the living, the
sociological consequences were far reaching. The first few years were understandably chaotic,
government agencies and census bureaus had a lot of information to process, and judicial
systems had to dramatically reevaluate the concept of murder. Additionally, society at
large had to cope with a tragic mass exodus, as a large percentage of the population of
the living, fascinated by this little understood discovery, self-terminated, and the vast majority
of them were never heard from again. Because, sadly, it was immortality with conditions
and not all who died remained.
It was the way you died that mattered. Only those traumatized by their passing, returned.
Somehow, shock, pain, and horror, were the things that imprinted souls upon the material
plane. Peaceful deaths? Those that died in the night? Those minds, at peace, fragmented
and drifted away and their information was lost. This discovery, once identified, was
verified in laboratories around the world. When the passing was peaceful, minds and memories
broke apart like foam on a wave; nothing remained of the pattern. A peaceful death was a true
death.
That's where we come in and why we're reaching out to you with this message. If
you are reading this now, you originally died peacefully and your consciousness was lost.
Thankfully, someone in the future wants to meet you and this is your notification that
you have been chosen to be an unwilling participant in a BeyondLife™ Personal Plan. In the near
future, you will be executed in a novel and creative way, one specifically tailored to
maximize the amount of horror, agony and psychological trauma you will experience, thus guaranteeing
your immortality. Utilizing our patented BackCast™ messaging technology we'll send whispered
commands back in time to a susceptible psychotic individual in your area who will soon be excited
to make your acquaintance.
Also, while we are legally obligated to notify you that you have been selected as an unwilling
participant, we encourage you to treat this as an enjoyable fiction and for you to go
about your everyday routines as normal.
BeyondLife™ thanks you for your participation. We'll see you soon.
A huge thank you to Reddit user u/becauseisaidsotoo for letting me read this. The twisted humor
of this piece cracked me up, and the premise was simply amazing!
For anyone who enjoyed this story, be sure to check out becauseisaidsotoo on reddit where
they have posted lots more!
I'm Chris Herron, and that's it for today's Tall Tale TV.
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