hi it's Lao, I'm gonna answer a couple emails that I was sent
well last couple months and one of the things that they were asking is , to
paraphrase it's : the world is going to hell in a handbasket in their opinion,
the world is, people being, you know, so much dissension, so much contention with
one another and they were saying you know how to Daoists find peace in these
troubled times? how is it that you know if you read the Thomas Cleary books or
translations of Daoist biographies, if you read the Zhuangzi, if you read a lot
of the text they say, you know it's like they could find peace in anything, and
the answer is is well that's what peace is , peace is a choice, no matter what's
going on around you, if you have to have something taken away for you to feel
peace, then it's not peace, it's simply either distraction or it's the ability
to control your environment because you can't control your own emotional self.
But it's actually something that I kind of thought to myself and I was thinking
what's the best language, what's the best way to express this? and I guess the
best way to say it is, stop looking for happiness
stop making happiness to be the pent altima goal, if you are looking for
happiness then you're going to find unhappiness, if you're looking for
happiness then you're going to find sadness, if you're looking for happiness
you're going to find jealousy and anger and despair.. um the reason for all this
is simply because you can't find one without them all. They all live and
appear in the same place inside of you, happiness is an emotion and it's a
state too, but it's an immense joy I guess instead of happiness it's something that
you find within yourself but you find all of them, there neurochemical storms
within the body and they're not separate, they're not just in your head the way
that your brain and your identity or as Jung says in Jungian psychology , your
persona translates and identifies this behavior as oh I'm feeling sad or I'm
feeling joy or feeling anger ,but you know ,you're being told that you don't
know that's true and most people don't do enough self introspection right,
there's another thing with Jung which is you know stop envisioning beings of
light and instead start making the darkness conscious, go into those places
within the self, the subconscious the unconscious, the personal and collective
where a lot of your driving behaviors are derived from and you'll find that
most of the things that you're feeling you're feeling because there's a you to
feel it ,there's an identity and so if if Jane does this and then she hurt me, no
Jane just did an action Jane's just going through Jane's life ,you interpret
her big behavior and then you imply it or apply it to yourself and through your
inferences which are completely fallible you find anger and upset and bitterness
or happiness or whatever else, so as long as Jane complies to your and conforms to
your vision of the world you're happy I love Jane, but the minute Jane's world
doesn't match her own that mother mmm she's she said to .... no she
didn't. okay it's about it's about looking at
your meanings, we've talked about this before but your
meanings come from your persona it comes from your identity, but how did Daoists do
it ? well first of, we seek to dismantle the identity we do that by first
pointing a foil or a device called Daoist that is itself an identity but
it's one that's meant to be dismantled, it's one that's meant to be disabled, but
you know that the interesting thing is Daoists don't seek happiness, that's
why they find it, it's like if you try to you know chase a butterfly you're
never gonna catch it, but if you sit were butterflies are and you just put
your hand out they'll follow you, they'll find you, so what's the mechanism? what's
that key that unlocks it? the answer is
it's about meaning, it's about purpose. Seek a life of purpose, seek a
life of meaning and then IT won't matter what you feel ,when you're in your
darkest times which are inevitably going to come, if you have a human existence
you're gonna have some dark times , it's it's escapable you also have amazing
times and it probably won't be equal if your identity is a victim or if your
identity is one that's being put upon,and it won't be equal if you're one that thinks
the world is great, and you're this forever optimist, that's not the way to
do it, that's trying to define the world, you can't define it it's undefinable, I
rarely give book recommendations but here's one that you might like it's by a
guy named Robert Sapolsky it's called Behave, and you want to take some time to
get this isn't one you can rush through it's a pretty big book but I'll help you
understand how you come to those identities and what brain functions are
that happened, it's pretty interesting, but if you're seeking a life of meaning
if you're seeking a life of purpose, people say what if I can't find my purpose? and
of course you can't find it doesn't exist until you create it, like
everything ,you know you can't find your house until you build it, you can't find
your you know wardrobe unless you put it together ,you have to you have to make it
I'm sorry, this life doesn't have anything pre-made for you. You have to go
make it if you want it, go create it, if there's a job you want and it doesn't
exist, you have to create that job, if there.. does exist, find out what somebody
else did and model their behavior as you would do it, not as they would do It, as
you would do, it tailored to yourself to make it your own right ,this is
the nature of life, but you have to do it with purpose when you're living on
purpose, when you go through those inevitable dark times
you come right through it ,because you have a Why, know your Why is strong enough
when your Why your fuel why do I do this you say that the head your hand and
you're going why do I keep going? why does this happen, why? well, if you have a
purpose there's your why, and it's got to be strong enough and if it is guess what
happens ?you get to the top of the mountain
Sir Edmund Hillary climbed Everest because he had a strong enough why
that's it, you don't think he wanted to stop ? of
course he wanted to stop, we all do, but you can stop as often as you like just
don't let your feet stop moving, in the end you'll have to define your purpose,
when you find your purpose whatever that is to you, what's enough to devote
your life to, if you say nothing, well there you go you've no purpose, you're
purposeless, you have to choose something and then from there what you'll have to do
is once you find that purpose you have to build a life in contexts and rituals
that support, sustain and surround that purpose, your rituals are the key to your
success whatever you habitually do is what you become, people who are very
wealthy have very specific rituals people who are very spiritually adroit
have very specific rituals, people who are just you know bitter so-and-so's
they have their rituals too, you're a successful as your rituals. Rituals built
are built like this, there's a cue a trigger, then you go to the ritual and
then you have the result reward whatever it is, okay look at your cues, the cues
you have in your live are using them, a client came to get the day and she had a
deformation of her hip she has pain it doesn't happen all the times of the day,
but if the muscle or the ligaments or anything gets tired, the pain starts so
she says I don't know how I can live with this pain I said well you have a
life I don't know how many decades are in it or maybe even days or hours but
however time it you're going to have to live, now we can do our best to
strengthen the leg we can do all these things but based on how long you let
this go and how long this happened the pains are gonna be there, but what if
that pain could be useful too? and she says what use is pain? I said well that's a
very good question maybe we should ask this another way, mmm what uses pain and
so I said how about this, every time you feel pain why don't you link a ritual to
it, how about this one you breathe deeply and you let the air coming through all
the parts of your head - all the parts of your heart all the parts of your
abdomen breathing in through your whole body in and exhale through the bottom of
your feet and keep doing that and she's like, will that get rid of the pain? I'm
like I don't know, probably Lamaze they use Lamaze for it, but the point is
breathing has less to do with the body and more to do with your mental
facilities the more deeper and calmer and slower you breathe the more your
mental facilities become acute they become here and now and you become
peaceful, right so I said if you link that pain to peace even if the pain
never goes away you still have peace you see it's about linking the stimulus
linking the triggers in your life to a ritual you want, if you don't you'll
still get a ritual it's just probably not one you're going to like, maybe it
will be, but if you're willing to to take that gamble then, that's on you, my advice to
you though is ritualize your life, there are things that bother you, put a good
ritual to them and they won't bother you so much, they'll just be devices that you
use to your benefit instead of being devices that use you to their own okay
all right if you have any questions please don't hesitate you can put a
comment you can hit like if you want to have a question offline it's lao@fourdragonsschool.com
until then I'll talk to you next time.
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