Hi yes, is this Mattress Oh-Rama? What is the largest size you have? California
king you have anything bigger than that maybe like maybe like dictator King or
Empire King. No okay I'm looking for something that maybe we could put down
the center of the mattress perhaps some type of a divider maybe a clear
plexiglass that would shoot up perhaps. Why? Are you not married? Oh okay well no.
Something that would divide it so that we couldn't touch. Why would I want that?
Umm have you ever had a 200-pound man try to play grab-ass with you after you've
gone to bed? Oh no I'm not really interested in knowing your answer I'm
just saying. Yeah okay so you don't have any clear dividers. Interstate highway
cones would probably be a bit intrusive but perhaps you know you know when
you're driving your car and and they have those those things in the road you
know that you drive over them and they go dididid didididdi. Yes! Rumble strips! Yes, once the
the other person aka my husband hits those rumble strips could we perhaps
send up flares or maybe make some sort of an alarm go off
what do you mean nobody's ever asked you these types of questions before you're
in the mattress business okay no rumble strip. Ummm do you have anything maybe
perhaps some sort of a moat? No no moat. Okay if not a moat maybe like a like a
like a cavern like if you were to roll off you'd fall in the middle of it and
then have to climb his way back out. No you don't have any mattresses with pits
in the middle. Okay how about this do you have any mattresses that start out as a
king you can have your naughty time and then they automatically divide out into
two separate like full bed you know like I Love Lucy style so that there's nobody
like touching me or on me after the sex has happened. What's wrong with not
wanting to snuggle after? I don't know I don't want to snuggle. I I'm touched all
day long. Somebody is on me, in me, or potentially trying to enter me at all
moments of the day. When we're done I want to be able to kind of you know exit
the area. Okay, well you guys are really making this hard. Your motto is rest in
peace. How on earth are you gonna guarantee that? Do you have any type of
ejector component in the mattress whereas if my children tried to
climb in they would be firmly ejected from the bed but not so firmly that they
hurt themselves and I have to go to emergency room but that they get the
picture that I want them to exit and go back to their room. Nobody's ever called
you and asked these questions. I really find that hard to believe if you in fact
are the King of Kings at Mattress Oh-Rama okay I really find that hard to
believe. Okay and I'm not understanding how
you're gonna guarantee that "I rest in peace" if you don't offer rumble strips
clear dividers a moat flares or a horn with your mattress packages. Okay I did
see that you have a hundred day return policy. I'm very squeamish and I'm gonna
be honest with you I know what we do on our mattress... okay and nobody's gonna
want that back okay nobody wants that back so what on earth are you doing with
these mattresses that are returned? I don't want to know. Never mind never mind.
what about fencing? Do you have fencing that can go down.. Okay yeah you're really not
helping me out okay yep you have a great day too
For. The. Love.
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