Let's invent a Christmas story.
Let's make the new-
like Christmas fairy tale.
Umm- Jordan.
What is like an element
that you love about Christmas
that you feel like is underrepresented
in Christmas lore and film?
Tree maintenance.
The stuff you have to put in the water
What makes a tree like have-
like vitality and live for a long time
Yeah.
Tree skirts and pruning and all of it.
But there might be a hero involved-
Yeah yeah yeah.
So we're gonna have three minutes
We're gonna set a timer
Three minutes is kind of a long time.
We'll see how we do.
I've already started the clock by the way.
2:45 so let's really get started.
Well you have to set-
We have to push start when it happens.
No I started it awhile ago.
No! Don't do that you gotta reset it.
We don't need three full minutes
it's already going.
Chris and Jack present...
Once upon a time...
On a bustling, icy, cold frigid night.
The father and son stalked out into the woods
to cut their own tree.
Whish-aahhh!!
With an axe! Through the wind!
Into the tree stem itself.
But father...aren't we killing this tree?
Yes son...
together we kill this tree.
And, as Dr. Frankenstein himself would've-
We shall prolong it's life,
so it can live in our living room.
And provide us with joy, and mirth,
and light.
And so the father and son stalked back
through the bustling cold-
WHISH! Went the door as they opened it.
They placed the tree onto it's-
Metallic...stand?
What era are we in?
They had one of those little-
Metallic stands!
That's really hard to screw in...
but they screw it in.
Yeah. It took awhile to line it up.
And the son took out a little tree skirt
and dressed it all about.
AIN'T NO SKIRTS ON MY TREE!
(laughing)
YEAH!
I...HAVE...
ISSUES...WITH WOMEN!
But the son- later that night
stalked upstairs unbeknownst to his father
and put the skirt back around the tree.
He knew he might get in trouble
but it didn't matter to him.
What mattered was
the spirit of the trimming of the water tree.
The father came down in the morning
and saw the skirt about-
How long?
47 seconds
Ok...Jesus.
(laughing)
Saw the- and saw the skirt about the tree
(laughing)
But what else did he see?
About the skirt about the tree?
Well the branches you see,
had gone green and grey.
What a terri-
Oh green's good.
Yep.
The branches you see-
How long?
25 seconds
We're rhyming the rest of the way.
Apparently yeah.
The branches you see,
were no longer green,
they were grey on this day,
for the water...
was stale....
Father...what has happened to this tree?
I only wanted to prolong it's life-
No you put a f***ing skirt on it.
Bloop blup blup blup blup!
I am the spirit of the tree and the water!
I FIX IT ALL!
That was it.
The End.
I think that went well.
I thought that was really good.
I think a lot of the transphobic overtones...
I didn't think it was gonna go that direction.
But-
I think the tree seemed happy in the end.
So I don't think like-
we didn't land on that.
Also that ghost that popped up and
fixed everything? Immediately?
That was very convenient.
What is Latin for tree?
It was a very deus ex...
Tri-ee-uh
Arberus or whatever.
Well that was the beautiful thing we made!
Hope you liked it.
We're sorry.
Tomorrow will be better.
(laughing)



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