Tragedy and comedy - the two true virtues of all entertainment.
On the surface, the duality of joy and sadness appear to serve a straightforward function
- it's the basest of human reaction, the way that our brain reciprocates emotion when
faced with conflict or dilemma.
Have you ever been hit by such shocking news that you can't figure out whether to laugh
or cry?
It's because they're the cornerstone of our emotional spectrum - the foundation on
which we build our character.
Sometimes you cry - sometimes you laugh - and sometimes you do both.
But what if both Tragedy and Comedy were an entity in and of themselves?
What if they were a force with both motivation and malintent?
Well - let's take a peek at the SCP Foundation - because of course, they've got one covered
as well.
Hello internet - and welcome back to the most inquisitive channel on YouTube - as per usual,
I'll be your disembodied floating voice Jack Finch - as today we scour through the
strange and curious archives of the SCP Foundation - and reluctantly ask the question, What If
SCP-035 Was Real?
Seriously.
This one's a spooky one.
Roll the clip.
As you all may know, we've got a direct line from 05 Command to distribute and disseminate
hand picked information from the deep depths of the SCP Foundation, in a memetic russian
roulette on who can call our bluff and figure out if we're joking or not.
Spoilers - we're not.
Or are we?
Who knows - because so far, the lines of reality have been so blurred that we may or may not
have an existential crisis half way through this video.
But - as you know, and it's a very big but - SCP-035 may just well change our minds - because
that's exactly what it does.
Before we slip that terrifying porcelain mask on though - you know the drill by now questioneers.
If you're a fan of this video, the SCP Foundation, all-powerful evil theatre props - or just
Life's Biggest Questions in general - then please, be a dear and hit that thumbs up button,
as well as that subscribe bell so you can stay up to date with our latest and greatest
uploads.
Also, make sure to stick around all the way to the end where we'll be reading out some
of your more humorous comments from over the past few days.
On with the show.
As the record states, SCP-035 is a keter class entity that appears to be a white porcelain
comedy mask, although - at times - such as when I was researching this very script, it
will without warning - change to tragedy.
In these events, all existing visual records - such as photographs, video footage and even
illustrations - automatically change to reflect its new appearance.
It's like having an old childhood photograph of yourself kept away in a scrapbook - yet
every time you look at it, there's a fifty percent chance that you'll be laughing or
crying.
Uh - that's creepy, right?
Well, believe me - it gets creepier - because although, on the surface - this skip is just
a weird little mask - it's actually one of the most dangerous anomalous entities under
the Foundation's containment.
It was discovered sometime in the 1800's - locked away in a sealed crypt in an abandoned
house in Venice, and since then has proved to be one of the most difficult entities to
contain.
Why?
Well - because it's sentient, eloquent, ferociously intelligent - and possesses boundless
ancient knowledge.
Oh - and also, it has a habit of possessing anything that has a humanoid shape - including
mannequins, corpses and statues.
Wherever it is contained, SCP-035 will slowly begin to convince the nearest humanoid entity
to slip it's mask on - and then things get really bad - proving to be highly sadistic,
prompting most people to commit suicide - while transforming others into near-mindless servants
with just linguistic persuasion alone.
And - what we're left with is the most terrifying horror movie monster imaginabile.
Except, in this case - it's real.
So, let's run a little simulation.
Let's say the Foundation never found SCP-035 when they did, and it was still at large,
hidden in a sealed crypt in an abandoned house in Venice.
Now, for its size, Venice was an incredibly populous city by density throughout the 19th
century - I mean, it's still there obviously, but things have got a little slimmer as far
as population is concerned.
All those tourists are making it sink.
Forget about that though, because it was one of the busiest port cities on the planet throughout
the pre-industrial world - and with that comes a lot of foot traffic.
And if you're SCP-035 - that means a lot of travelling sailors and merchants to corrupt.
You see where I'm going with this?
The reason SCP-035 is contained by the Foundation in a steel, iron and lead-shielded room - while
being rotated to a new sealed case every two weeks to waylay its physical and mental corruption
- is because it's really, really good at corrupting humanity to do its bidding.
If it was real, and the Foundation had never found it - it would have undoubtedly orchestrated
it's own secret shadowy organisation to enact it's vile machinations against civilization.
You see, as the Foundation have paid a high price to find out - if you keep SCP-035 under
containment, it only serves to make it angry - periodically resulting in mass suicides
and homicides at a great cost.
But if it was left to its own devices?
Well, it's a coin toss at best.
Let me explain.
Because throughout the majority of time spent under containment, the Foundation have only
seen one side of SCP-035's mask.
Tragedy.
They've made it angry, because it doesn't want to be kept inside a box - it wants to
be free, feeding on the infinite complexities of human consciousness, demonstrating it's
arcane propensity to use the human mind as it's fuel and food source.
If we left it to its own devices, not locked away under the Foundation's containment
- who knows what the result may be?
Maybe we'd see the fairer side of SCP-035, yeah - we'd all be under the influence of
an all-powerful entity - but hey, what's the downside to that, eh?
Without it being angry, maybe it'd be able to influence the world with less death, mental
psychosis and the whole blood dripping from the walls kind of vibe.
Maybe we'd all be in for a cheery ride full of laughter, joy and comedic totalitarianism.
Everything would be hilarious and existence would be joyful belly laughter on a daily
basis.
Sounds great right?
Hm - alright, I guess it's time to let SCP-035 out of it's box.
What's the worst that could happen?
Well, whilst we pass that motion through 05 command - unfortunately that's all we've
got time for in today's video.
Before we depart though, let's read out some of your more creative comments from over
the past few days.
Jason Kirven says - What if 2+2=fish?
Well - damn Jason, that's some genius level thinking - and if 2+2=fish then I'd brush
up on my mathematics and open a sushi restaurant.
Cansas and Mike Cooley says - Here's my biggest question, Jack: Do you ever have to
do a retake because you said LBQ when you were doing Top 5 Scary or vice versa?
Your opening monologues are so similar for both I wonder if you sometimes say the wrong
one.
Great vid, Cheers! -- well Cansas and Mike Cooley, the straight up answer is - all the
time.
I even accidently script them that way too, it's like I'm juggling two secret identities.
In this one though, I'm just a disembodied floating voice.
Well - there we have it questioneers.
Thanks for sticking around all the way to the end.
If you were a fan of this video, make sure to hit that thumbs up button - ding that subscribe
bell, and we'll be seeing you in the next one.
As always, I've been your host Jack Finch - you've been watching Life's Biggest
Questions - and until next time, you take it easy.
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